But wait!!!

I’ve been blogging for a whopping 10 days and I can already see the addictive side.  My guess is that this is a newbie issue, but maybe not.

I started this blog motived that I could maybe help others one day.  I had thought about being a recovery coach, read a bit, took a Udemy course or two, and I was excited.  Only there’s a part of coaching that we don’t think will go well for me.  The very reason why I thought I would be good at this is that I’m not one of those with ‘saneitis’ I could take them seriously, I’d at least have an idea of their experience, and it would be great to work with people as they found their sanity.  Despite my Udemy’s teacher’s assurances that no one has bad intentions, I know this to be false.  What do I do when people don’t try?  What do I do when their attitude or situation triggers my own problems? 

My psychologist took me through how he handles some of my concerns, what kind of outlook works for him, and a lot of it makes sense.  People get better at their own pace.  There are those like me with researcher accounts everywhere about my condition & prescriptions, hell-bent on taking my meds, and seeking other forms of support & wellness.  Conversely, there are those who are too scared, lack the education to understand all the books & studies, too tired, lazy, defeatist, etc. to do it that way, for others, it’s just a personality trait.  My heart is conflicted.  If I’m going to do this, then I’m going to have to wait until I’m ready, if ever.  

I started a mental health blog on the suggestion that it could eventually help others.  Actually, the suggestion was a book, but I’m not there yet either.  I’ve never written a book and I’ve seen many bloggers that put the medium to good use, so here I am.  Of course, I started with the idea that I’d talk only of mental health, but as my first post shows, there’s not much to say when only speaking of your illness.  As my daily blog continued, I wound up blabbing about life & times, random thoughts, not what I planned at all.   There was a direct benefit to me while writing.  It felt good to write out my thoughts and put it out there, even anonymously.

The first few days I had views & likes, only a few, but they made me happy.  With no writing experience at all, I have people who like what I’ve written.  YAY  Then yesterday happened.

What started as an idea to get my thoughts down changed quickly to one of “why is this one only one like??”. With that change came some anxiety and self-doubt. No one liked my post, it wasn’t even read. My logical brain is rolling its eyes, but that’s what my emotional brain is sure of. There’s no point.

Welcome to the story of my life. My logical brain is sitting here saying that I’ve only been blogging 10 days, it’s the internet and totally expected.  My emotional creature brain is spinning,  I’ve reread my last post a few times and that emotional part is saying I should simply delete it.   I’ll do neither, my logical brain and joy I’ve found so far are winning.

Instead, I look to my most recent session with my Mobe coach.  He spoke of a woman who only had the intention of running a little every morning.  No future goals, no training plans, nothing except getting out the door and running every morning.  She wound up running a marathon by keeping it simple.  Since I wrote in my journal the other day that I would kill for a simple life, I’ll take the hint.

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