I Went to a Holiday Party!

Over three years ago I joined a book club and attended regularly.  Half the people didn’t read the book anyway and it was my first time socializing with a bunch of women.  These women were residents of a town where the residents are proper, not really my group of people, but what did I know?  I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

As time went on my attendance became spotty.  At first, I had to leave early for my child’s bedtime, she was hooked on me only for this routine.  Then, after the dog bite,  my attendance reduced to nothing.  Even my holiday party attendance was short-lived, leaving before people could even exchange books.  I was tired after even 40 minutes of being as typical as I could and my ability to hold stability after 7ish was insignificant.  I was nervous to talk to anyone, convinced they could all tell how bat-sheet crazy I was.  I stumbled over words was otherwise awkward.

Over the past few months, yep, lithium time, I have been staying up later with no issues, but in the house.  I stayed out of the house until after 8pm once a week.  I was essentially training my body to handle book club.  I wanted to try again, to have that easy conversation before we even talked about the book.  If most of us had read the book.  I may admit to watching book club reviews on YouTube from time to time, but that’s not here nor there.  I want the social interaction, a reminder that I can be a normal human being.

That happened tonight.  I arrived at the holiday party and knew about 4 of the women there, one pretty well.  My first round was with a women I knew and one that I didn’t, whom I connected with instantly, we talked for a while.  As time went on, and food called (pomegranate guac is amazing btw) I moved into the main area of the party.  The whole night was easy, barring a couple minor moment of awkward.   

I had a wonderful time, I needed that.  I’m proud & grateful. 

I have bipolar 1 with psychosis, anxiety, and PTSD.  I successfully attended a social gathering for the first time since my psychosis & diagnoses.

I am happy.

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