Alexia vs. The Doctors

Doctors and I share a checkered past thanks to two idiots 15 years ago and two idiots this last year. 

If only I could get over the anxiety whenever I see anyone medical.  I was nuts all morning because I had a med appointment at 2pm.  I was already worried because I wanted a faster increase of my Lithium (it’s been 4 months) and I was convinced she wouldn’t go with it, she’s always so reserved with meds.  All of yesterday’s issues were in overdrive as I made my way there.  I called Miles for help, and while half of what he said felt minimizing and was pissing me off, he had one perfect statement, “You wanted to slow roll your lithium at first, just talk to her, she’s usually great.”

Collaboration, love it

I stewed for a while on this and right before I entered the building my head cleared and yep, I asked for it to be slow 4 months ago because I was afraid of the drug.  Once we got started, I said, “I know I asked to do this slowly in the beginning, but I need to reverse that.”  Every time we up my lithium by 300, my blood work goes up by .1 (I metabolize drugs quickly), let’s go to the full 2,400 on the bottle, and I’ll titrate up as I feel I need to or am able.   Guess what?  She believed & trusted me!  She said that I’ve been doing this long enough and she thinks I’ll be fine doing this on my own, just get my blood tests.  She is the bloody unicorn of Dr.’s.  Lucky me, unicorn husband and unicorn Dr.   Hopefully it ebbs the anxiety days before appointments in the future.

The mistrust comes from the stupid sh for brains duo.  

The biggest get of the lot was about 15 years ago.  It was my first time having a problem regarding physical medicine.  My lower right abdomen was emanating a pain that was steadily getting worse.  Only my doctor didn’t believe me.  At this point, I can see where he was coming from.  Blood tests, colonoscopy, MRI, all showed nothing.  He sent me to a Gyno, whom he told I was a pill seeker, who then sent me to a fertility doctor, yeah I don’t get it either. 

I wish I could express in anime.

This second little sh…t drew labs and declared I was PCOS based merely on the fact that I was a bit chubby and had lower abdomen pain.  He claimed it was due to my labs showing insulin resistance.  I later pulled those labs when the laws changed and found every. single. test. within ideal reference ranges and I didn’t meet the diagnostic criteria. Dick. He put me on metformin, and that was supposed to be the end of it.  Only, it wasn’t, I was still in pain, and the primary continued to disbelieve.

I told them to go in for exploratory surgery with the offer that if they didn’t find anything, I would pay them in cash.  That worked in multiple ways.  First, they did it.  Second, they found my appendix ruptured and encapsulated in scar tissue that was holding my intestines to my abdominal wall.  After the surgery, I fell out of bed (thanks nurses for those rails,) and developed internal bleeding.  Let me tell you, blood transfusions feel gross.   If you have internal bleeding never let your chest below your abs, the pain is indescribable.

Fast forward two years, I’m having the same pain, and he didn’t believe me again!! He made me go get a pain med refill every morning instead of just a couple of weeks supply, for over a month.  After a month I went straight in for surgery, and I won again.  The adhesions were back, from the abdominal wall to all over my intestines now.  The surgeon removed it, wrapped my organs in essentially saran wrap, and I was good to go.  He stopped my opioids the moment it was done leaving me to detox post-op with abdominal surgery. 
My mom called the Dr. saying, “I guess the kid was right, we’re not your patients anymore.”

 I found a new doctor who was terrific until we had to move away and there have only been two crap ones since my hospital-based psychiatrist & endocrinologist.  I had suspicions about both and pulled my records, right again.  My dysphoric mania visit, where I was crying non-stop yelling about the numbers; he recorded as the patient mood was “good” with no psychosis. Really?   The endo decided that central hypothyroid was too rare so I must not have it, but have Hashimotos instead, the exact opposite of my blood work.

All of this made today’s appointment amazing.  I was elated in the appointment, and my Dr. she was pleased.  To be believed & trusted is to feel secure & happy, and even proud.   You don’t have to be medical or someone in massive authority, just someone willing to witness and believe can be magic.

Afterthoughts:  While looking for photos I found this charity that works to help treat, deworm, and otherwise help patients in Laos.  Friends without a Border

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