Acceptance at Bumblebee

Sad Bunblebee

We thoroughly enjoyed Bumblebee today. It was a nice break in the middle of cookies, dresses, & cinnamon raising brioche pudding. I’ve never made brioche before so here’s hoping. However, this isn’t a character analysis, despite a few good points there. This is about crying at every single epic movie music moment, especially if Bumblebee was making his sad face.

Crying at sentimental things has been a nasty habit my body has picked up since pregnancy. I swear they inject you with crying DNA in the delivery room. Crying at bleeding everything with emotional music or someone helping another person has been a lovely addition since about three years ago.

Now keep in mind, I’m a gamer since the Commodore 64 and later, the ImagiNation Network (or INN), the first multiplayer environment, I mentioned it a while back. My most memorable were Diablo, DragonRealms(DR), and then World of Warcraft(Wow). DR let me be as girly as I wanted, mostly in the person I wished to be or act like rather than myself, but most RPG’s are like that.

One day a friend of mine in DR said I should join his guild in WoW. That was the game changer, no roleplaying, no player driven story, merely getting it done. I was in a good guild who made me an officer within about 3 months of me raiding, I was in my element. It was me with about 150 guys and 2 girls. Not only could I be myself, but I also grew in my ability to handle men, not just be friends. My language did deteriorate over the years, especially after I became Guild Master and flap it, I like it, it’s an excellent stress reliever I’m just not sure if it’s allowed on here.

Every girl that wasn’t married was flirty, sharing naked photos, things like that (I learned about it from my now husband, they never sent them to me for some reason. That wasn’t my style. I was one of the boys and thoroughly happy about it. I wasn’t a cryer. I still liked my emotional outlets with movies and other media, without crying. I wasn’t the typical MMO female. Honestly, leading a group of 150 guys through fights and interactions, and helping with relationship problems was beneficial outside the game. It built on ‘all my friends are guys’ and added the ability to better handle men in a boardroom or other various work interactions. I knew they’re just as dramatic even while they point fingers at females for being so and it provided confidence.

All of this is a part of my identity. So imagine my annoyance when I started crying during pregnancy without stopping afterward. It went on for years and I fought every. single. one of them. Me?? Crying? No flapping way! It’s shameful! (for me, not for anyone else)

Today was another round of hiding the betrayal of my tear ducts. I was weepy, and it was only the previews, and my face was scrunched up, hand to the side so Miles couldn’t see my shame and tease me later. Keep in mind, we met in WoW. I fought them, and they squeezed themselves out through the squinching of my face and determination to halt their progress. Then came my choir singing moment, I thought, “flap it, it’s dark, he’s on the other side of our child, minimum risk.” I let the feeling of emotions & tears into my body and simple felt what I felt. Feeling the burning flushed face turn into a full body of emotion tingles. As I released my hold my face lost the flush, my body felt the emotional tingles everywhere the tears eased up. As the movie went on, I kept reminding myself to just let the feels happen. Except for one moment where they were streaming down my face, it was an effective measure. Now I know that it is considered a sign of potent empathy and valued as a strength. As the article says, “…regardless of the context, none of us should ever hide our tears. There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about crying, it’s part of what makes us human. “

All this started me thinking about how once you accept something, it does get easier even if it goes away. There have been quite a few times in my life, most our lives, where accepting something makes the pain of it go away. Now that I’m in therapy acceptance is the name of the game. Accept your condition, meds, side effects (screw you blurred vision), family, rejection, loss, and that there are good things about yourself.

While acceptance is a rocky road, just because you accept something now, your mind can go straight back into denial or fighting, the latter typically being my issue. Accept what is going on in and around you. This isn’t a like thing, you don’t have to like something to accept it. It’s accepting that you cannot control everything around you, not even people you made, and certain things will need to be lived with for a day, week, month, or lifetime The more you practice the easier it gets.

Today’s baking tip: Eggs can be brought to room temperature by keeping them in a warm (not hot) water bath. Cracking them on the countertop provides a better break to work with, and you don’t get the sides of your bowl all drippy. Finally, separate by pouring it into your slightly open fingers over a bowl, there’s much less yolk running, even with warmer eggs.

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