I’m Sensing a Theme Here

The above is a quote from my acupuncturist. I was laying on the table in the beginning of the session and describing the last few days. It turns out that one of my most commonly said sentences begins with, “I knew I should have rested but,”.

I know I do it, the decision in my head to sit down and relax or get things done usually comes out to get things done. I thought my life would get less ‘to do’ when I started staying at home and doing project work. I was so very wrong. All those little things around the house, mental housework, shopping, etc. that I had been ignoring while at work. All shopping was online or on the way home, I got the mental housework part done at work as well. Obviously, I couldn’t do housework from the office, but we did have a cleaning lady twice a week. I ignored all the larger projects to do at home because I wasn’t there much to get annoyed by them. Nearly all of my to do’s were handled at the office.

Now I am home, and I can see the disorganization, things I would like to make better, and my medical research went through the roof, it still is. Everywhere I looked my list got more abundant and detailed to the point where I would spend days without sitting down, caught up in this whirlwind of house. Before my lithium went therapeutic my ability to organize anything was complete crap. Now that it’s up to a good point I do much better and see even more to do.

Today that changed a bit. Along with the benefits of getting my lithium therapeutic came a few detriments. My hand tremors made me drop my phone often has reduced a bit, but my vision? It’s fine when looking around the world until I try to read something in typical small font. Like newspaper size. Then my world is difficult. I tried my glasses to no avail. So I lean back, squinch my eye, tilt my head, etc. etc. until I get it. It usually gets better once I fully relax my eyes and open up my peripheral vision, but not on the screen.

Today I worked for a few hours with the computer and spent the next 2 laying on the sofa watching a baking show due to how motion sick I got from trying to read text on the screen. It was minor before the last increase that had me below therapeutic, but now it appears I can only look at screens three hours after taking my dose, for about an hour and a half. I’ve delayed my bedtime dose this whole time so I didn’t notice any issues while writing here, it was a nasty surprise.

Today was a big day for me. I did not push through like I usually do, I couldn’t. As I lay on the sofa, I realized I have not taken a break during the day since I started being home. It just doesn’t feel right when it’s during typical working hours. I always feel like I have to do something, it’s not right with Miles at the office and me being home. Nevermind he tells me to take breaks often, but I can’t.

Ah well, something to talk about in therapy on Friday.

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