Signs or Silliness (I want jelly)

I did my best to ensure that today would be one filled limited responsibility on my part. The cravings, crankiness, soreness, and fatigue greeted me this morning in full regalia and ready to work. Based on previous experiences I expected that the first three days would be miserable and I was right. Day one: I woke up craving jelly, one of my top level weaknesses; jelly on a bagel, toast, brownie, or even the good stuff version on a spoon. The crankiness It didn’t help that today was also a day off from school for Hannah. My mind keeps going towards ‘eat it!!’ My brain is the little fat devil that ate the angel and keeps saying ‘it’s too hard today, eat the jelly’, but I keep stomping it down and saying ‘day 1 is almost over. At least it was short.

Today is a rare one where I am not responsible for waking with Hannah or come out of the bedroom before I was good & ready. Usually, an off day means I’m up with her around 9ish, and on a school day we are out the door by 8:45. This morning there was none of that, I had full sleep potential, and ooo did I use it. This is in thanks to our Allie for taking her for the beginning hours and my husband the second couple hours stretch. Usually, I’m the one who wakes up with her early morning prodding and he the late night “scary” pokes. However, he didn’t sleep in today due to a dislocated rib in healing, so he took over, and I had the freedom to slumber as long as I pleased. Well aside from the times Hannah snuck away to poke & prod, she couldn’t just leave me be for hours, perish the thought. Thankfully I passed out after every effort content in my surround of pillows. She finally managed it at 10:30am, and I made it out of the room by 11, about 12 hours before last night’s bedtime.

With waking at random intervals I slept for 11:38 hours, something only previously achieved during post-op or working off intoxicating substances in uni. I’m sure its something to do with how much sugar I ate with the goal of turning into the State Puff Marshmallow Man. I had some success, gaining 16.5lbs, 11 of which were this last week. Some of it was water, some of it is not. I don’t look at weight as the final statement. Body fat percentage is my go-to, either by measurement or fancy gym scale that I will be visiting tomorrow.

Weight, and therefore BMI, aren’t very accurate measures of health. When I was last at 18.5% bfp my BMI was 24.5. Think about that, in the athlete tier of body fat percentage I am considered near overweight. Bodybuilders are usually termed obese, even when their bfp is at 2-3%. They said they fixed the system of medical height & weight charts, by putting in BMI, a calculation based on height & weight. This & the fact that our government nutritional advice is based on a study that’s been proven wrong drives me to insanity. I almost failed a college nutrition class due to my views, but I could show my point, so I did well regardless. Always back up your position with respected literature.

You can tell that’s a bit of a hot button of mine, people are having poor health based on what the government tells them. It’s ridiculous and not even the silliness that I mentioned in the title.

No, the silliness is the dancing on fire bit where I look at facts like I can’t think, I want to sit down, I can lie in bed for nearly 12 hours for the first time ever, all unusual things for me. These could all be signs of an upcoming depression. The logic brain knows my body doesn’t slow down really, hasn’t done since I was 3 and had my Dad up at all hours to play. This must be depression!! I realize I don’t, to quote my husband, “really do the depression thing,” and I know this. To be fair, we’re trained in therapy to look for and identify warning signs, find things out of routine, keep stress to a minimum, and keep track of any odd behaviors or feelings.

Keeping stress to a minimum also includes avoiding stress you don’t think of, such as going on a diet.  Diets can take a toll on your body’s stress levels and possibly activate lithium toxicity At least with this one, I believe I can avoid said risk because my calories stay over 2,000. Anyway, it’s a constant paranoia I’m sure I’ll get used to. Yes, better to assume that this vital issue is due to a known change in the body and wait to see the rest. As long as I’m not dysphoric, I can wait & see. Honestly, all I want is jelly. Jeeeelllllyyyyyy

Current Weight Track (BFP starts tomorrow): 185.4lbs Let the games begin.

The Sciency Stuff:

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