About an hour ago I resigned myself to writing a woe is me post. While I am still wallowing, I’m also not freaking out and this is due in great part to my husband, the unicorn.
Miles is a rare breed of partner. Grant you, before I got sick he was a typical spouse. Then, once started getting bad, and he learned that it was not me being ridiculous or dramatic. Two words never to be heard again because the panic attack I had during & after the fight made him realize that no, it’s not my doing. He changed himself into the man he felt he needed to be, eating right & working out, helping me find a therapist, and doing more at home with our daughter. He went from good looking quarter horse to unicorn.
Only it wasn’t the general changes that made a difference, it was how much he settled in to being MY husband with a steady attitude to all of it. We worked together and that helped keep me somewhat balanced before the dog bite. When I could no longer work in the office he was available every second, he even picked up in the restroom asking if it was poop level urgent because he knows I hate any restroom phone calls. Every night he sat with me for hours and I talked through my experiences, my psychosis, anything I needed to talk about. He no longer blamed me for things outside of my control, and he knew what they were because we talked constantly, at least at first. He did this for over a year an a half before my meds started to reduce the amount I needed that release of information. I became more independent and was able to handle all of the stimuli that made me feel so much flux & dysphoria.
I and all of my associated professionals agree that I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am, with no hospital stays, without him. He didn’t read books, every time he looked he saw phrases like ‘caging their emotions’ or promoting the feeling that the person with Bipolar should be looked down on, controlled, pitied, etc. There was nothing he was willing to bring into our home. Instead he, with dyslexia, will read anything I give him, even if it was 600 pages. I say he should write his own book, but he says that he knows me, not everyone with the disorder.
I see his ways as applicable to just about anyone, with any disorder, but the book would be a bit short. With the understanding that you know & love the other person, that logic wins, & both must be open & honest, the sections would be:
- Be available
- Converse using logic
It may be a best selling pamphlet?
The unicorn name came from an online support group. It was early in my days as a crazy person and we were talking about spouses. Without reading the comments I submitted mine and it was met with much jealousy & joy, and the only other woman to read that post with a good husband. Someone said unicorns and it stuck. Even after that fun conversation, I didn’t completely get it until hearing multiple stories of shaming, gas-lighting, belittling, & in some cases, abuse. The stories came in from every gender, socio-economic class, and throughout the country. She and I spoke for a bit about where we were in our progress vs. some of the others, and then about how much of that progress we assign to having good mates. Looking at the comparisons, we are about 90% sure that without good support at home it’s near impossible to make much progress, unless you are very strong of will.
Please be a unicorn to those you love.
Current Weight Track: 184.9 -1.1