Flying Blind

Something has been hinted to me by my psychologist. Something I could not imagine would be possible in my life. It’s the reversal of my habits for the last 19+ years. That I should stop weighing myself, or at least not so much, not every day or multiple times a day. Since I was a teenager I have weighed myself like this, excepting travel & Uni, and sometimes every night, or midday on occasion. This is a habit common in many people in recovery of an eating disorder. However, that’s not why I’m doing this. I’m not trying to shed ED thoughts. I’m trying to change my relationship with my body & food. Something nearly all of us, mentally ill or considered sane, have issues with.

We as a people are being made more and more dissatisfied by our bodies, even those of us considered ideal. I do know a couple. We are bombarded by the media about what we should look like. Our weight has an influence on how we value ourselves as a human. Should it really? Some of us even forget that we look great, even when we don’t hear anything like that from another.. I think the rates on body dysmorphia are higher than any study releases. It’s hard to know you have it when you think everyone is just being nice.

Guess what? Except for the genetically lucky, photoshopped, or lying celebrities, they torture themselves to look like they do. This is not a reasonable comparison!!! Sit in a coffee shop, or upgrade, if you’re comfortable with the idea, to a spa where you have to be naked in certain areas. Really look at them. I’ve spent a lot of time working on my body positivity in that situation, it’s part of how I got here in the scale goals. Some were 400lbs others 90lb and do you know what? Wedding rings are on most of them. My favorites are the ones who are obviously big, one was 6′ and big and walk with not a care in the world, at least in the safe space. I find none of them grotesque, even the ladies with what must be a 20;b set of boobs going down to their hip bones, with wedding rings, not giving a care either, probably less of one as most are past menopause. I guess that’s one reason to be ok with small boobs. sigh. Thank you pregnancy & breastfeeding, good on you. ugh

This could count for men as well, it’s just not as well researched. Two sad failures in the scientific community.

Until today I haven’t done web searches on this really, I just did it with no mention of a disorder in my search terms. There are many articles out there that conflict with each other. So, as a typical internet user, I picked the ones that worked for me. I should weigh myself daily!! It’s perfect to lose weight!! I didn’t even open the study, avoiding it based on the intro text saying depression and possible eating disorders in otherwise healthy young women and extrapolating from there or the one saying that weighing yourself too often can make you lose touch with your body cues. This is for everyone, not just us with disorders.

In the past, I never searched ‘weighing self every day eating disorder,’ but I did today and here are a whole new world of results. Posts, articles, therapeutic sites, studies. Even ones recognizing that the harm is generally ignored in science, and darned difficult to find studies There are quite a few saying that continuing to weigh myself may send my psyche to a bad place, and I have to admit it has on occasion. They say that I could invite a relapse weighing too often. I like to think that after so many years I’ll be fine with the occasional body comp at the gym, but even thinking of that right now, now that I’ve made the decision to try this, wants nothing to do with this betweener idea. It’s how my mind works. It’s being done, done well, correctly, and on point. It’s not some namby-pamby sneaking a weigh in.   I have the determination of a gamer damn it.

Regardless, I’m trying this. I wonder if it will be freeing or cause even more anxiety. Miles has already moved the scale to his man bathroom in the basement, no sneaks for me. Update for Day 3 Here

Baking Tip Time

On Right: 8 Hour ice packs are your friend for cooling as you stir. The refrigerator is a bit less functional to my mind. Cooling in a time crunch because you misread the ‘melted’ part on your readthrough.

Left: After reading your recipe all the way, you can see which ingredients you can combine, and therefore weigh together, addressed soon. You can use one of those Ziploc twist containers. (some are with the Avengers on, v. important I just can’t find mine. Shake shake shake!! They’re together

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