Clarity Born From Anger

I’m that person, the one who leaves the kitchen sink empty at the end of the day, during which I didn’t stop moving except for Korean Spa recharge time. Any free moment has something to organize, read, restock or repair. If not there’s something to work on in my business or personal life, guaranteed. December’s hypomania ramped that up to the point there was nothing else to clean.

This was all good until the rapid dose increases of Lithium which was a side effects whirlwind, but I was still on top of most the things. Once I reached the max my motivation slowly ebbed down beyond my typical self, who does still likes the sink empty. In the end, I crashed into apathy, not noticing all the things that had to be done, not remembering errands, not organizing. It is frustrating as all hell because I still want to do all the things I did before, well, except the down & dirty cleaning. I spend time wishing that the hypomania could come back just long enough that I run through the post-Christmas house and have at least that cleared out.

Then it came back. I’ve been getting stuff done for the last few hours. Why? Our cable/internet provider. The internet’s been spotty for weeks and this time it went out completely. I reset the modem with their app, I called and reset the modem again through the automated menu since they don’t give you another choice. Finally, I called and rage pressed 00000000000000 until they sent me to an operator. At least that guy was smart and said nothing when I started the call with, “All the computers are directly in the modem and it’s been reset twice, don’t do it again.” We finally got a tech appointment but I had been heated for over an hour at this point.

I hung up, still irritated. Called Miles, still irritated. Did their survey honestly, still irritated. The internet came on, clarity!

All the hormones of anger came to my aid and I was ready to go. While Hannah hung out in VR, thank you internet, I finished the dishes picked up all the toys, paid bills, and sat down to write my blog. Something I couldn’t even think of a topic for, something that hasn’t happened since I started 50 days ago. Research finds that “Anger entails a negative activation that leads the individual to resolve the tension through active behaviors.” Note, it did not say positive or negative. Anger is effective, but probably not good for a few of our internal systems. Am I willing to risk a heart attack for getting a bank reconciliation done or cleaning the house? Nope, not really, though I’m taking advantage of the bonus hours when I get them.

I’ve read a few articles on how anger can help women in therapy, mainly because it’s a minimally expressed emotion in women. The socialization of which has train submissive over acting out, repressing the anger and creating issues within their own bodies and minds. Risks of repressing anger include depression, anxiety, stroke, insomnia, digestive complaints, weight gain, and a shortened life span. All the more reason to let it out in constructive ways, or at least those that won’t sever a relationship or affect you in the future. Then get stuff done…. until your pants tear up the middle and you have to take a moment. Eesh, this day. This crap day saved only by the jimjilbang and having met a highly interesting family that live in a multi-family home.

Baking Preference: When something calls to roll a ball of X in Y, or chocolate cookie dough balls in granulated sugar in this case. I’ve seen a few methods. Some put the coating ingredient in a Ziploc bag, deep bowls, the pan to be cooked in, and plates. My preferred method is the shallow wide bowl. It’s easy to roll things in. It keeps the sugar spread out, has curved sides, and can be tossed around easily.

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